15 minutes of fame

Silly me. I fell asleep amidst the sweet warmth of the boxes by which I was concealed. When I came to it was Sunday. There was not a moment to lose as I am now a day behind schedule. I immediately sprang into action and flung open the fridge. Inside was a bottle of Dr Pepper. So I drank it.

Refreshed I ate today's and yesterdays soup all in one bowl: cream of mushroom and beef broth. Thus fortified I clambered into bed to rest for my first day at work.

14 pounds to a stone

A cold, grey day. A day to practice some indoor skills.

Today: concealment. I carefully arranged boxes in the storeroom to appear haphazardly thrown to the casual observer. Then using my waif-like frame I wiggled into the space inside. The pièce de résistance was an old tea towel laid across the air opening.

Thus concealed I hope to elude detection until dark.

Today's soup was cold winter vegetable. Brrrr. Brrr.

Unlucky for some..

Alas my days of leisure are limited. Soon I will be thrust into heady world of business and my finely honed mind will no longer be available for betterment of mankind. I must use my time creatively. So I spent today colouring in my Tarzan book.



Today's soup was winter vegetable. Brrrrrrr.

The Dirty Dozen

At last my various talents have been recognised. The position is mine. Taking the advice to "jazz up", as I think the young people say, my exploits I wowed the interviewers. I thought I might have stretched a little far with my tales of fencing against the crown heads of Europe and my stories of derring-do on the high seas but ultimately it is with such experiences that I intend to turn this mere wage slavery into an employment the likes of which have not been seen since the days of Rider Haggard. Bring on the day I stride proudly through the doors of the CAB in my best crushed velvet trousers and ermine cape. I spent the day PLANNING.

In celebration today's soup was carrot and coriander. Full of C. And vim. And vigor.

Ocean's 11

Interview day! Seeking advice from an acquaintance he offered the following jewels of wisdom: wear a suit and read "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu for my approach and strategy.

So I dusted off the old suit in preparation. You know some people say that sailor uniforms are going out of fashion. The very idea! I toyed with wearing the cap but the tassel kept swinging in my eyes and I judged this may prove a distraction.

Time was a pressing, so to cut a few corners I rented the film of the Art of War. Wesley Snipes was great in it. However as a treatise on strategy it was lacking. I had also rented the "Lord of War" with Nic Cage. That was more like it.

Today's soup was pea and mint. Green.

A big 10-4

The experiment of a life time! Oh, to be alive and feel the power of discovery. This must be how Newton, how Faraday, how L.Ron Hubbard felt before making their breakthroughs.

I set up two screen with DVD players. On one I ran the film "Yellowbeard" and on the other was "Solider Blue". By blinking a lot and flicking my eyes between them both I hoped to to recreate the feeling of watching the "Color Purple". Note the spelling for our cousins across the pond.

Later, feeling somewhat dizzy, I noted the effects as "disappointing" in my research jotter.

Today's soup was lentil and bacon. I ate it with a rustic roll and pictured myself as enjoying one of the better days in Gulag.

..and the Germans say Nine

I fancied a bike ride today. While laying upon the bed I contemplated the many, many gases that could be used to inflate the tyres; Argon, Neon, Hydrogen, even air. I finally settled on air but at that point the rain had began to fall so I settled back to browse a book of anatomy.

I was forced from beneath the duvet into the kitchen by a revelation. Dabbing with swarfega and armed with a Prussian Blue felt tip I was able to correct the location of the elbow on the Marie Claire chart.

Trapped in the house I was forced to wash out the remains of oxtail from the old tins to pull together a watery broth. Weak.