grinding glass into the face of a teenager

Welcome back.

Decided to travel back in time. After researching "Back to the Future" and "Superman" (one, not two, or three) I decided on the latter method. Moved all the crap away from the edges of my room and took a good run up. All I need to do now is achieve a speed faster than the turn of the earth and I will go back in time...because that's how it works. After 10 mins of serious running got a bit shagged out and took a rest. To fill the time until my energy returned I reset my scales to imperial measurement. No more grams for me!

Today's soup was tomato. I only eat tomato from now on. Fruity.

Welcome back folks

Thursday,

Important day. I'm going to commit suicide on Facebook! I posted this up via the old mobile while warming up the spring veg on the spirit lamp. Some person called "Alex" (I can only assume a pseudo-name, sent me a message entitled "Hooray"). I can only assume there are more than one Richard Bennett/Blaze/Bongomonkey (delete as applicable) on Facebook. Also he seems unusually attracted to the word "C. U. Next Tuesday". Is this a John Landis reference?

I must concentrate and not get distracted. This is a pivotal point in my life and not to be under-estimated.

I got worried about the "milk" I have in my fridge. When does it become cheese and socially acceptable to eat it? I shall post an update and wait for the valued words of wisdom from friends.

15 minutes of fame

Silly me. I fell asleep amidst the sweet warmth of the boxes by which I was concealed. When I came to it was Sunday. There was not a moment to lose as I am now a day behind schedule. I immediately sprang into action and flung open the fridge. Inside was a bottle of Dr Pepper. So I drank it.

Refreshed I ate today's and yesterdays soup all in one bowl: cream of mushroom and beef broth. Thus fortified I clambered into bed to rest for my first day at work.

14 pounds to a stone

A cold, grey day. A day to practice some indoor skills.

Today: concealment. I carefully arranged boxes in the storeroom to appear haphazardly thrown to the casual observer. Then using my waif-like frame I wiggled into the space inside. The pièce de résistance was an old tea towel laid across the air opening.

Thus concealed I hope to elude detection until dark.

Today's soup was cold winter vegetable. Brrrr. Brrr.

Unlucky for some..

Alas my days of leisure are limited. Soon I will be thrust into heady world of business and my finely honed mind will no longer be available for betterment of mankind. I must use my time creatively. So I spent today colouring in my Tarzan book.



Today's soup was winter vegetable. Brrrrrrr.

The Dirty Dozen

At last my various talents have been recognised. The position is mine. Taking the advice to "jazz up", as I think the young people say, my exploits I wowed the interviewers. I thought I might have stretched a little far with my tales of fencing against the crown heads of Europe and my stories of derring-do on the high seas but ultimately it is with such experiences that I intend to turn this mere wage slavery into an employment the likes of which have not been seen since the days of Rider Haggard. Bring on the day I stride proudly through the doors of the CAB in my best crushed velvet trousers and ermine cape. I spent the day PLANNING.

In celebration today's soup was carrot and coriander. Full of C. And vim. And vigor.

Ocean's 11

Interview day! Seeking advice from an acquaintance he offered the following jewels of wisdom: wear a suit and read "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu for my approach and strategy.

So I dusted off the old suit in preparation. You know some people say that sailor uniforms are going out of fashion. The very idea! I toyed with wearing the cap but the tassel kept swinging in my eyes and I judged this may prove a distraction.

Time was a pressing, so to cut a few corners I rented the film of the Art of War. Wesley Snipes was great in it. However as a treatise on strategy it was lacking. I had also rented the "Lord of War" with Nic Cage. That was more like it.

Today's soup was pea and mint. Green.